My Freestyle on The Young and Happy Show Got The Milmore Treatment

I’m gonna break down these lyrics for ya Rap Genius style.

“rhymes crack like the lower cat of big cat”

Dan Katz, a blogger at Barstool, is known for having a GIGANTIC lower back. When someone has a large lower back they tend to have a large ass crack as well. Crack, is an urban slang term to describe something as “awesome” or “fantastic”. Hence, these line translates to “my rhymes are extremely awesome.”

“coment section troll asking Dave where his kids at”

A common topic of discussion in the comment section is why doesn’t Dave have any kids. Kevin Clancy has popularized the theory that it is because he is sterile.

“But really I aint with that, I keep it more friendly, plus I eat the puss like I’m locker room lenny”

I am a friendly person and rarely make malicious remarks about the other bloggers. I am so friendly in fact that I am willing to perform cunnilingus on women, a selfless act. Lenny “Locker Room” Dykstra, is a former professional baseball player who is on record as also being a huge fan of performing oral sex on females and is said to be very talented at it. 

“Rhymes fat and I rap them fast, call me Glenny”

Blogger Glenneth Balls is know to be extremely fast for his size.

“Need cash so I’m reading ads, word to Dennys”

I am a blogger and thus am not a wealthy man. My income is dependent on doing ad reads for brands such as Denny’s, a wonderful restaurant chain that specializes in breakfast.

“Your dick is like the caps, it can’t get past a semi, and cums fast as raps by Kung Fu Kenny”

Just like the Washington Capitols can’t get past a semi-final, the hater’s dicks can’t get past a semi-boner AKA a chub. The hater’s dicks also cum(or ejaculate) faster than it takes Kendrick Lamar to spit a rhyme. Kendrick Lamar is known for being an incredibly fast rapper.

“while I’m feeling like Chaps’s kid, screaming Hi Haters”

Just like Barstool blogger Uncle Chaps, his daughter is  know for calling out the Haters while having a good time, bringing attention to their failure at ruining her life.

“Feeling like Dave did, delivering papers/
you could say I’m building a foundation for greatness/
so who could hate this/ save for maybe Clay Travis”

Dave Portnoy hand delivered the newspaper version of Barstool Sports its first few years in business. This laid the foundation for his current media empire. I am also trying to lay the foundation for future greatness. The only person who could hate Barstool’s continuing success is Clay Travis, another media personality know for imitating aspects of Barstool culture and trying to pass them off as his own.

“Cuz I’m Salt of the Earth, and yall Bath Salts
I work with some world class assholes
what up El Pres, what up Asa”

Salt of the Earth is a saying often used by Barstool’s founder, Dave Portnoy, which means down to earth and humble. Bath Salts is a drug known for poisoning it’s users and making them act insane. Many of the bloggers are known to be lovable assholes, none more so than Dave Portnoy’s alter ego “El Presidente”. Asa Akira, a porn star and part-time Barstool employee, is also a world class asshole because she has won “Best Anal Scene” numerous times.

“even got an intern that used to work at NASA/
so aint no wonder we bout to blast off/
I’m lowkey thick but rap my ass off”

This blog is getting way too long so I’m not even gonna explain these rhymes.

“feeling young and happy like Keegan after a Pats Loss”

Just like his father, Keegan Clancy will grow up hating the New England Patriots and celebrating all of their losses seeing he will have very few New York Jets wins to be happy about.

“And the haters soft like vegans getting a cast off”

Vegans are soft as shit. Pretty self explanatory. Also, when someone gets a cast off the skin that had previously been covered is extremely soft. Thus, a vegan who has just gotten a cast off is INSANELY soft.

“Feezys on my feet, please pardon my fakes/
PFT be tweeting heat/ Please pardon his takes”

I live in China where it is easy to find and purchase counterfeit goods. Thus, I am usually seen wearing Fake Yeezy shoes. PFT is known for tweeting out barrel fire takes on twitter that often cause a shitstorm. He also co-hosts a podcast called Pardon my take.

“KFC, Rappaport, man I blog with the greats/
and with that Mike The Bike beef I got no dog in the race/”

I work for the same company as other well known bloggers and personalities such as Kevin Clancy and Michael Rappaport. There was recently beef in the office at Barstool between Mike the Bike and the rest of the Young and Happy crew. I have decided to not pick a side and stay out of this beef.

“I just hope he knows that I’m the only Asian with the nasty flow/
and I run the net like I’m Federer and McEnroe/”

Living in China, I also consider myself Asian. Mike the Bike is from Taiwan so is also an Asian. However, unlike Mike the Bike, I can actually rap well why his rhymes are whack AF.

I also run the interNET just like tennis players Rodger Federer and John McEnroe run the tennis NET.

“The Wonton Don and I’m on the Young and Happy Show/
Don’t Get Upset when I tell you that I have to go”

Fuuuuck. Typing all of this out was a huge waste of time. I think I just gave myself carpal tunnel. Peace out.